


a blade that sharpens by cutting

by LarkThePerson



Series: get us in some trouble [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Daredevil (TV), Jessica Jones (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Canon Disabled Character, Developing Relationship, Friendship/Love, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, Hurt Matt Murdock, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Murder, Nightmares, POV Frank Castle, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 10:30:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13362744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarkThePerson/pseuds/LarkThePerson
Summary: By the time Matt is showered and dressed Frank is already in the kitchen eating eggs and drinking coffee. He holds out a plate to Matt who takes it and sits without comment. Frank feels a moment of deep satisfaction watching Matt eat his food. He puts down a mug of coffee, just the way Matt likes it, and tells him where it is in front of him.Matt doesn’t turn towards him but smiles at his eggs.“Thank you, Frank.”





	a blade that sharpens by cutting

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the poem Headfirst by Ocean Vuong.
> 
> Well, instead, of writing the next chapter of Jessica Jones' Drinking Group for Fuck-Ups I have this.... I swear, eventually, I will update that fic but school is pretty much always kicking my ass. 
> 
> More detailed warning is in the end notes.

It’s three days after what Frank is calling the incident where Matt had drunkenly revealed he’d been raped.

He had since talked to Jessica, who told Frank that Matt had freaked out over the phone on her and told her not to look for his rapist. Told her not to kill the man. Frank felt like he was on fire.

So, he breaks into Matt’s apartment. 

“Frank.” Matt sounds exhausted.

“Tell me who it is.” Frank demands. He feels sick.

“I won’t let you kill him.” Matt’s voice cracks.

“Why the fuck not? He- Red, this guy-” he can’t even say it.

“Because if you kill him it will be blood on my hands.” Matt tells him and his voice is ragged.

“No- Red. This is my job. Let me do this for you.”

“I can’t. I can’t, I can’t,” Matt sounds like he’s going to go on so Frank touches one of his shoulders.

Matt flinches under the touch but doesn’t push away. It takes him a long moment to even out his breathing.

“Can I?” Matt asks him arms slightly open. He wants to what? Hold Frank?

“Yeah.” Frank’s voice also sounds wrecked.

Matt pushes forward into his arms and tucks his head down. Frank rubs his back. They’ve touched before. Beaten each other senseless, more recently patched each other up. They sit close at the bar sometimes, legs pressed together. They exchange back slaps on their way out.

This is different.

The heat of his body is a punch to the gut. Matt is so warm and alive. No one is ever warm or alive this close to Frank. His ribs expand under Frank’s hand. He can feel the humidity of Matt’s breath against his shoulder. Frank holds him closer. 

Frank is furious.

Matt sags against him after a few minutes.

“Let’s get you to bed.” Frank says after a long minute. Matt gasps in a breath and Frank keeps rubbing his back.

Eventually, Matt steps back and Frank takes a move to walk away but Matt grabs his jacket. 

“Come on.” He says quietly.

Frank hesitates for a long minute.

“Come on. You need to sleep too. I’ll wake up if there’s any danger.” Matt tells him.

Frank nods and follows him to Matt’s bedroom. Before he can doubt himself, he strips off his jacket, his vest, and pants and gets in beside Matt.

~~~~~~

The next morning, Frank is rocketed into consciousness too quickly. His head hurts. He gives himself a moment to listen to Matt’s alarm before he gets up.

He goes to shower and leaves Matt to sleep a little longer.

By the time Matt is showered and dressed Frank is already in the kitchen eating eggs and drinking coffee. He holds out a plate to Matt who takes it and sits without comment. Frank feels a moment of deep satisfaction watching Matt eat his food. He puts down a mug of coffee, just the way Matt likes it, and tells him where it is in front of him.

Matt doesn’t turn towards him but smiles at his eggs.

“Thank you, Frank.”

~~~~~~

His phone is ringing.

“Frank,” is how the unknown number calling him greets him.

“Yeah.” He answers and waits.

“It’s Bucky. I have some information.”

Bucky gives him a location and a time and Frank hopes against hope that he has information about Matt.

He doesn’t. But he does have a sex trafficking ring to take down and somehow, it makes Frank feel better.

~~~~~~

They’ve been sleeping in the same bed together for weeks when someone breaks in. Matt’s up in an instant and Frank follows in short order, grabbing a gun from under the pillow checking quickly that he still has his knife strapped to his thigh. 

He moves to stand in front of Matt but Matt holds up his hand and walks in front of him. Frank follows him into the living room.

“Hello Mattie.” The old man in Matt’s living room greets.

“Stick.” Matt responds.

“Who the fuck are you?” Frank cuts in.

“Mattie, we have a mission.” Stick tells him completely ignoring Frank and his gun. 

Matt doesn’t respond. Just stands there in his living room breathing deeply while Frank aims a gun over his shoulder.

“Really Matt, the Punisher?” 

“I’m not going on a mission with you Stick. So, what do you want? You didn’t come here to discuss my personal life.” Matt responds. 

“Actually, I think this is the perfect time to discuss your personal live. I told you not to get attached. These people, this stuff, you surround yourself with make you soft. I was so proud after you cut off that lawyer and your little secretary, but here you are with even more attachments. And don’t think I don’t know about your little drinking group too.” Stick tells him.

Frank watches Matt clench his teeth and fists before he’s throwing himself across the room almost too quick to follow. He doesn’t land the strike but when the guy goes low Matt flips back and Frank is staring. This guy looks like he’s at least 70 and yet he’s keeping up with Matt.

The guy gets Matt pinned for a second and Frank moves to step in. Matt doesn’t want the guy here so Frank will get rid of him. He positions the gun at the back of Stick’s head. Stick freezes.

“You wouldn’t shoot an old man.” He says.

“You wanna bet?” 

Stick ignores him, Frank cannot believe the absolute gall, and speaks to Matt and now that Frank is so close he can see that this guy is blind too.

“I had hoped we could work together again.” Stick tells him and Matt is stiff as a board where Stick is pressed against him.

Matt shoves Stick back, Frank steps away just in time for Matt to bring a leg up kick him. It’s a lightening quick move but Frank suspects that Stick is letting himself be hit.

“Get out.” Matt tells him.

Stick gets up slowly.

“See you around Mattie.” And Frank can hear the threat behind those words.

Frank is still holding a gun on him, albeit now from a distance. And he tracks him through the room and up the stairs until he’s out of sight. Matt stays stiff for a long time after he’s gone. 

After a few minutes Frank notices Matt is shaking.

“Red?” Matt doesn’t even twitch.

“Red?” Frank tries again.

“He’s gone.” Matt tells him and Frank knows he’s been tracking Stick through the city, “I can’t hear him.”

Frank goes over to him and touches his arm. Rubs up and down along it. Matt’s breathing is ragged.

“Fuck.” Matt says eloquently.

“Fuck.” Frank agrees.

They don’t sleep again that night. Matt goes out to beat the criminals of Hell’s Kitchen into submission. Frank stays at Matt’s apartment. Just in case Stick or any of his entourage come back. They don’t. Frank cleans his guns.

~~~~~~

The next day is Tuesday and Matt can’t make it. Preparing for court he says. Sometimes Frank forgets that other people have real life daytime jobs. Matt’s the only one in the drinking group though who has to work semi-regular daytime hours though. Everyone else is there.

“Red had a visitor last night.” He tells them as he sits down.

“That so.” Bucky says

“Ever heard of someone called Stick?” he asks them at large.

Bucky makes that face that tells them that he’s examining the memories he does have for such a thing.

“Nope.” Jessica says before turning back to Clint.

Clint shrugs. Natasha does too but Frank is almost certain she does know something just because she always knows.

“I’ll look into it.” Jessica promises.

“What happened?” Bucky asks curious.

“Guy broken in, in the middle of the night, tells Red off for having friends then tries to take him on a mission. Maybe he trained Red? Red didn’t look too happy to see him.” 

“Wait, wait, wait. Didn’t he mention that one time that he was trained as a kid?” Clint says and Frank’s never heard this before.

“A child-soldier.” Natasha tells him. Bucky makes a face at her and they share a look. Frank wonders for just a moment what the story there is. Then he decides he really doesn’t want to fucking know.

“I’ll see if I can find anything on him.” Bucky tells Frank. 

Natasha and Bucky are still exchanging significant looks. They have an uncanny ability to speak without words or signs. 

“Well we might need to revise Matt’s status as one of our two non-mind controlled members.” Clint says to no one in particular.

Jessica snorts into her drink.

“Ow, fuck. Clint!” she’s managed to snort her drink through her nose and she’s reaching for Clint. He bounces back out of her reach and trips on a chair, ending up on his ass. Jessica goes from spluttering curses to laughing. Bucky rolls his eyes and Natasha is grinning at her idiot.

They don’t speak of Matt again that night.

~~~~~~

When Matt and Frank finally kiss they’re both bleeding, of course.

Matt had been tracking some mobsters who Frank had also been tracking. Frank ended up shooting everyone on the floor above Matt and Matt knocked everyone else unconscious and they hadn’t even had time to fight or argue because the police were already coming. So, they ran.

Frank took them to one of his safehouses and Matt was bleeding from a split lip. Frank’s got a cut on his arm from where he had fallen on a table wrong and broken a bottle under his own weight.

Matt crowds in close to him.

“Frank, thank you.”

Frank jerks away. He had arrived on Matt’s floor just in time to shoot a mobster in the chest as he was aiming his gun at Matt.

“I killed a dozen people.” He snaps at Matt. Because Matt has got to realize that Frank is not a good person. Matt will never make him a better person.

“I know. But you saved me too.” Matt tells him.

“You can’t fucking change me, Red.” Frank tells him as he starts pulling out and putting away his guns.

“And I’m not ever going to like that you go out and kill people. But I-”

Frank doesn’t know what he’s going to say. He’s not sure he wants to know. He grabs Matt’s shoulder and pulls him close.

“Shut up.” He tells Matt not unkindly.

“Ok,” Matt says and leans up to kiss Frank.

It’s almost unbearably gentle but when Matt pushes for a more aggressive kiss Frank grabs the side of his face and slows them down again.

Matt keens quietly into his mouth.

“Yeah, Red, I know.” Frank whispers when they break apart, and in the harsh light of his tiny safehouse he admires Matt’s blush. Even his ears are red. And his lips are cherry red with smeared blood.

He kisses Matt again.

This time Matt pulls away.

“Let me take care of that.” He means the cut. Frank nods wordlessly.

“Sit.” He orders.

The way Matt fixes wounds is amazingly intimate. Also, more painful than getting a wound patched by a sighted person.

He has to completely disinfect his hands multiple times while he runs his fingers against the wound. Frank is lucky that there’s no lingering glass in the wound or they would have had to go to a hospital. As is Matt runs his fingers over the cut before cleaning it. Then again before he bandages it. Then again after. On Frank’s raw skin each brush of his fingers is like fire. Frank endures.

After the cut is bandaged, Matt leans over to kiss him. Then he cleans the lingering blood from his hands.

“Have a good night Frank.” He says before he jumps down from the window Frank just opened for him.

Frank doesn’t watch him go.

~~~~~~

They don’t share a bed every day. Far from it. But sometimes after a tough night, when they run into each other when they’re not expecting it, or even after their Tuesday drinking nights they go home together.

They don’t sleep together well. Frank sleeps no more than 4 hours consecutively. Matt gets what he can where he can but sleeps like dead when he’s actually asleep. Sure, he wakes up for distant gunshots, screams, and the sound of people breaking into his apartment, but mostly he falls asleep again soon after, unless he’s too keyed up. Frank is always keyed up, he wakes for everything. Matt turning over in his sleep, Matt moving closer to him in his sleep, sometimes even his breathing keeps Frank on edge.

So, Frank cleans his guns, sorts ammo, searches for new safehouses, watches Matt sleep.

Matt doesn’t seem to mind.

Then, Frank has a nightmare. He’s trained himself into stillness and silence but Matt knows. Of course, he does. He doesn’t wake Frank. It was a nightmare about gore and meat and his wife’s head.

When he’s awake Matt doesn’t speak but reaches out to touch him. Frank feels like he’s got a full body itch. Like he needs to take his skin off. Matt’s hand burns.

“Don’t touch me.” His voice sounds like its being wrenched from his body.

Matt still doesn’t say anything just holds his hands out in surrender. He looks sweet in Frank’s bed, sleep rumpled and soft. Frank can’t stand it. He leaves to go to the roof. He has to trust no matter how soft Matt looks that he can take care of himself.

Bucky is there. On his roof. Frank doesn’t startle but it’s a close thing.

“Frank.” He says by way of greeting.

“Were you spying on us?” Frank asks.

“For you.” Bucky answers and Frank gets that. He’s a little pissed that Bucky found his safe house. Especially after the couple of months where they held their drinking days in his safe houses, and he then had to find all new safe houses.

“Thanks.” He says and sits heavily. He’s too rattled to proper surveillance. He’s glad Bucky is here to do it for him.

“You ever find anything on Stick?” he asks. He probably shouldn’t be having this conversation when he feels like this but he’s never been one for good ideas. He briefly wonders if Matt is awake and listening in. It doesn’t matter. He has to know that Bucky and Frank would try and track this man down. 

“Natasha says he works for Chaste. He’s not in city right now. We would have found him. We’ll know when he’s back.” Bucky tells him. Frank doesn’t know how he and Natasha seem to know these things but he doesn’t question it. They’re a force nature individually but they’re a natural disaster together.

“What’s Chaste?” Frank is sure he doesn’t want to know.

“They train soldiers in the war against Hand.” Bucky and that clears up almost nothing.

“Do I want to know?” he asks even though he knows the answer.

“No.” Bucky tells him and he knows Bucky is also answering the question of whether he needs to know.

“Thank you.” He’s sure Bucky understands.

They stay there for most of the night and in the morning Frank goes down to wake Matt as gently as he can.

~~~~~~

He and Bucky go out to shoot people together. They even orchestrate the assassination of a politician together. Frank has never had a more wonderfully skilled partner than Bucky.

He sometimes feels bad. He knows that Bucky didn’t learn to be a soldier the way Frank did. Frank turned into a murderer by chance and choice. Bucky came into it by chance and coercion. He tells Bucky this once.

“You think you’re making me kill people Castle?” he asks through the com.

They’re both in sniper’s nests on different roofs trying to get a couple of targets from yet another sex trafficking ring. These guys are peddling children.

“No, but I think you need to think about whether you really want to do this.” Frank tells him.

“I don’t know if I know how to do anything else.” Bucky answers after a beat. 

Frank stares down at the rendezvous point. Feels the concrete under his body. Waits for Bucky to keep going.

“I don’t think I’m ok with that, but I am ok with shooting these assholes. I want to kill them. I have blood on my hands, Frank. At least now I’ll have some guilty blood on my hands. I can control whose blood it is. I’m not upset about that freedom.” 

Frank wonders if it’s easier for Bucky to speak of painful things when they can’t look at each other.

“Incoming.” Bucky says and that’s his mission voice. 

They don’t speak of it again that night.

~~~~~~

Frank wakes up and for a moment can’t tell what woke him. It’s quiet, he didn’t have nightmare, Matt is still. That’s when he realizes that Matt’s awake.

“What is it?” he asks quietly.

“Go back to sleep.” Matt tells him before tugging him back down and tucking his face into Frank’s neck. 

He sleeps. 

He wakes before Matt’s alarm. When he reaches the bathroom his finds someone already there behind the shower curtain. Frank’s pressed against the wall with an arm at his neck and a face full of snarling Bucky before he’s really registered what’s happened.

He can see the recognition take over after a moment.

“Shit. Sorry.” Bucky scrubs his face.

“What the fuck are you doing in Red’s bathroom?” Frank demands resisting the urge to rub his neck.

Bucky looks pained and Frank doesn’t think he’s going to get a straight answer, when Matt appears in the doorway.

“He sleeps in my tub sometimes.” Matt says.

“I don’t sleep.” Bucky says petulantly.

“Whatever you say, Bucky.” Matt says. He standing slightly to the side of the door, careful to not block the exit.

Frank decides right there and then it’s too early for this shit.

“Get out, I gotta piss.” He tells Bucky, who flips him off as he walks out.

When Frank is done showering Bucky is nowhere to be see.

“What the fuck, Red.” He says.

“He has a hard time, the tub helps.” Matt informs him like this is completely normal. 

So, Frank might be close to Bucky in some ways but clearly there is more to him than just shooting people behind warehouses. 

He’s not really sure why this is surprising. 

“Did he wake you last night?” Frank asks after Matt is showered and dressed.

“Yeah, he always makes enough noise to let me know he’s here. I guess I should have told you.” Matt doesn’t look sorry.

“Might’ve been good.” 

“Wasn’t sure how to tell you that an internationally feared assassin likes to sleep in my tub.” Matt tells him and Frank has to admit he has a point. 

~~~~~~

Matt doesn’t often get nightmares.

He doesn’t sleep often enough for them Frank guesses.

The first time he has one he scares the shit out of Frank.

He’s totally still like Frank in it but he’s gasping like dying man. His jaw is clenched so hard Frank knows he’ll have a headache when he wakes. Frank’s not planning to wake him but then he stops breathing. Just like that.

Frank panics. 

He shakes Matt’s shoulder roughly.

“Matt, hey, Matt-”  
He doesn’t move but his whole body tightens. After a moment, he swats Franks hand away.

“Fuck,” he gasps out.

He shoots up into a sitting position after another breathless moment. Frank wants to touch him but he’s not sure Matt will let him.

“Fuck.” He says again this time he sounds horrified.

He covers his face.

“Red?” Frank isn’t good at this anymore. He doesn’t know how to be gentle anymore.

“Hey, Frank.” Matt says conversationally like that wasn’t just an awful and Matt’s not currently doubled over on his silk sheets.

“Can I do something?” 

“Can you touch me? Not my lower back.” He sounds unsteady and Frank wants nothing more than to hold him.

He rubs Matt’s back instead, careful to only let his hand slide down to his mid back.

“He- I really don’t remember a lot- but he,” Matt can’t go on for a long moment.

“Sometimes I can still feel him. I can feel how small my body is and how big he is and how hot he was against my back.” Matt is almost too quiet to hear.

“Is that what the dream was about?” this is the first time he’s ever heard Matt talk about it.

“No,” Matt laughs bitterly, “I had a dream about Bucky getting raped right in front of me and I run away. I keep fucking having them.” 

Frank swallows hard.

Matt turns to him, unfolding his body.

“Hold me.” Matt tells him.

Matt used to not be able to do that. He could never ask. Frank couldn’t figure out what he wanted and then Matt would be upset. Finally, Frank had blown up, shouted that Matt needed to tell him what he wanted, what he didn’t, for this to work. Matt had cried and Frank felt sick with guilt. But eventually Matt had agreed.

It was slow going. He was afraid to ask for what he needed. Afraid to be turned down. Afraid that his vulnerability would be used against him. 

Frank holds him, still careful not to touch his lower back. He kisses Matt’s forehead, his temples. He breaths him in and promises silently to kill whoever who could hurt a child like that.

Matt falls asleep like that.

~~~~~~

“Red, we need to talk about what we can and can’t do.” Frank says the next day.

Frank had left at Matt’s alarm, with a kiss to the forehead, it was now evening after work for Matt and they’d already eaten Thai take out together.

“What do you mean?” Matt seems genuinely confused.

“I like kissing you, you like kissing me, I don’t like being touched after a nightmare, you don’t like people touching the small of your back.” Frank tells him.

Matt makes a face like he’s swallowed a lemon.

“Frank-”

“No, this is non-negotiable. I need to know. Especially, if we’re ever gonna have sex.” He says firmly.

Matt is stubbornly silent. 

“I’ll start. Nothing with blood. We’re always using condoms, no, I mean it. If we’re going to do kinky things I like to be in control but that’s only if you want.” He lists.

Matt keeps his face turned away when he starts speaking.

“I only have issues with the small of my back sometimes, so we have to play that by ear. I like it face to face. Don’t grab my legs or kiss them. Touching is fine, tell me if you’re moving them though. I can’t always do kinky things but when I can I like to be submissive.” He says and by the end he’s red to his ears.

“Come here.” Frank tells him.

He gets up from the chair he was in to stand over Frank on the couch. Frank pulls him by the shirt to straddle his legs. Matt kisses him first. Frank is sure they’ll work it out.

~~~~~~

The next time Frank breaks in he’s not even breaking in, Matt’s given him a key. It still feels like breaking in somehow.

Someone is already in the apartment. He’s walked in on Bucky hanging around enough times that his immediate reaction is not to draw a gun.

It’s not Bucky.

Instead Natasha is sitting on Matt’s couch, eating ice-cream and reading a book. 

Frank doesn’t think his life is ever going to make sense again.

“There’s more ice-cream in the freezer.” She tells him without looking up.

He goes to get some without even questioning it. They sit together in silence eating ice-cream for a long time until Natasha apparently gets tired of him.

“Read a book.” She tosses one at his head.

He grabs it before it can hit him. It turns out to be a horrible romance novel. Frank reads it anyway.

“You and Matt friends or something?” he asks eventually.

“Or something.” She says without looking up.

He’s surrounded by people who can’t even be honest most of the time. He thinks he should have accepted this before now.

“So why are you here?” he asks.

She puts down the book and gives him a sharp look.

“I found Stick. He’s in the city. I thought you had a policy on child-abusers.” She says and he has to take a deep breath. Natasha is always testing him. She doesn’t test the others this way and he doesn’t really understand what the point is except to make him angry.

“Then why are we waiting here.” He bites out.

“It’ll be a few hours until he’s in place. I wanted ice-cream.” She tells him flipping another page.

Frank hisses a breath out through his teeth. 

He still trusts her though, no matter how much she winds him up just to watch him go.

They go to the location she’s provided and sure enough the asshole is there. There are almost twenty other people there. Frank trusts they all deserve to die.

Frank walks right up to him and shoots him in the chest. He’s being reckless. He doesn’t pay any attention to the other people in the room all aiming for him. He doesn’t even notice Bucky and Natasha taking them out. He just watches this guy dying.

He’s raving about the war and the Hand and somehow Frank really doesn’t give a shit.

When Frank finally gets close he shoots Stick again. Then again. Then once more in head. Just to be sure.

It’s only then he notices Bucky standing beside Natasha, watching him. Natasha is watching him calmly and Bucky looks murderous. Frank raises his eyebrows at them. Bucky steps up and shoots the guy again. Then just stands there staring hard at Stick’s mangled form. 

Natasha breaks the silence. “The police call should be coming in around now. We should go.” Natasha says calmly.

Bucky’s already moving. Frank takes only a moment longer.

~~~~~~

Frank had been planning to stay the night with Matt but he can’t now. Matt can always smell the blood and spent gunpowder on him. Frank doesn’t want to risk him recognizing the smell of Stick’s blood.

“He’ll figure it out eventually,” Natasha tells him.

Bucky says; “I’m going over anyway.” And splits away from them off towards Matt’s place.

“Think about it.” Is all Natasha says.

He goes to a safehouse and doesn’t sleep well.

~~~~~~

Matt finds out and he’s furious. So furious he doesn’t even tell Frank he’s angry. Natasha calls him and tells him about Matt’s ire. It stings.

They don’t speak. Frank stops showing up to their drinking nights because every time he does Matt walks right out. 

~~~~~~

Its weeks before Bucky shows up in his apartment, looking dazed.

“Bucky?” he stands when Bucky comes in. 

Bucky just stares like he’s shocked that Frank is there. He blinks at Frank, slow, with little comprehension. Eventually, he sits against the wall and wraps his arms around his knees. Frank stays standing, looking at him for a few minutes before he sits again.

Frank doesn’t as if he’s ok or what happened. Bucky will tell him if he needs to know.

They sit there like that for hours. Bucky rubs his thump over the seam of his jeans the whole time. Finally, he heaves a sigh and drops his arms and legs. His metal arm cracks against the floor, jolting Frank.

“You should talk to Matt.” He says.

“You should talk to Steve,” Frank fires back immediately. 

Bucky shrugs. Frank decides he’s had enough of this conversation already and heaves himself to his feet. Sometimes, his whole body aches.

“Talk to him.” Bucky grabs his sleeve as he moves to walk by, he’s not looking at Frank as he says it.

Frank nods and Bucky drops his hand. Frank leaves the apartment without another word.

When he comes back Bucky is gone.

~~~~~~

He calls Matt.

“Hey Frank.” Is how Matt answers the phone. It’s breathed out on a sigh.

“Bucky said we should talk.” Frank says.

“We should. I’m going out tonight but I’ll be back around four.” Matt doesn’t tell him to come over. Frank will take what he can get.

~~~~~~

He waits for Matt, in the dark.

Sure, enough Matt comes home around four. He doesn’t bother being quiet as he comes in via the roof access. Frank is about to say something to him when he notices the unsteady gate Matt is walking with, then he sees Jessica’s arm slung over Matt’s hip, dragging him along.

“What happened?” he asks suddenly unsure of what to do with himself.

“Idiot took a blow to the head. His hearing blanked out but he won’t go to the fucking hospital.” She sounds truly furious.

“So, you take him anyway.” He tells her viciously.

“What? With those horns? He has a point, Castle.” 

“I can hear you.” Matt pipes up.

“Shut up.” Jessica says as she dumps him on the bed. She looks at him for a moment before saying, “Ok, I’m out. Good luck with him Frank.”

She leaves without another word. Frank just stands in the doorway of the bedroom as Matt starts to sluggishly unzip his body armor.

Frank goes to him and starts undoing the zippers, helping Matt peel away the costume. He watches carefully, taking note of Matt’s injuries. There’s surprisingly little wrong, beyond what was, apparently, a nasty blow to the head.

He wants to break the silence but she’s not sure what to say.

“Bucky said we need to talk.” He says eventually.

Matt seems to slump even further at that.

“We do.” He says after the last of his suit has been removed.

They don’t speak for several more moments. Matt is laying back on the bed already starting to drift into sleep. Then he turns, presses his face into Frank’s thigh and says “Can we talk about his tomorrow?”

He sounds exhausted, and more than that, defeated. Frank leans down, resettling Matt on the bed and kisses his forehead without a word. They will talk tomorrow.

“Sleep,” he tells Matt. He’s already planning out a schedule of waking Matt up through the night, to make sure he doesn’t die in his sleep.

He leaves to sleep on the couch.

~~~~~~

“Jessica said you couldn’t hear.” Frank says the next morning over coffee.

Matt winces.

“It happens sometimes.” He says eventually.

“It shouldn’t,” Frank answers sharply.

Matt tilts his head in acknowledgement.

“Matt,” he’s trying to reign in his frustration. He wants Matt to talk to him but he knows he can’t force it.

“Frank,” Matt answers and Frank sighs. 

“I’m sorry.” He says.

Matt’s jaw tightens.

“I’m sorry I betrayed your trust. I’m not sorry I killed him.” He amends.

Frank needs this to work. He wants Matt in his life, he wants to cook breakfast for him and wake him after nightmares. But he doesn’t care that he killed someone. Matt has to understand that.

Matt droops.

“I know.” He answers but he covers his mouth with his coffee mug.

“He raped me.” Matt says after a few moments and Frank feels like the air has gone out of the room.

“Matt.” His voice is too soft, Matt will be furious.

“If you had known when you shot him I think I would have been ok with it.” Matt doesn’t sound angry, just tired, “I don’t know why. I’ll never- You’re a murderer Frank. I love you but you’re a murderer.”

“I know,” Frank says when Matt can’t seem to find anything else to say. 

Matt huffs in a half-hearted laugh.

“If we do this, I know you’ll always be looking over my shoulder but Frank- I won’t stop trying to bring people to justice.” Frank has heard all of this before.

“You weren’t going to bring Stick to justice.” Frank reminds him.

Matt makes a face, lips twisted and pressed together, jaw clenched. He doesn’t like the honesty.

“No, I wasn’t,” Matt admits eventually.

Frank sincerely doubts that they will ever really work out their issues. They might just go through this same argument every few months. Maybe they will get tired of arguing. Hopefully, they won’t be tired of each other by then too.

He waits for Matt to continue. Nothing is forthcoming. They sit in silence for a few more minutes until Frank gives up on waiting Matt out.

“You went deaf,” Frank says.

Matt sighs, again he clearly doesn’t want to talk about it.

“It’s happened a couple of times. If someone hits me too hard it cuts out. I’ll go to the doctors.” It’s almost too easy. He wonders if Matt’s just agreeing and not actually planning to go through with it. He’s got another thing coming if he thinks Frank will let him get away with that.

“Good.” Frank says. He dismisses thoughts of brain damage and its possible implications for Matt.

They manage to talk some after that. About Matt’s work, about how they think Bucky and Jessica are doing. All too soon Matt says, “I need to go.”

Matt leaves via the front door and Frank takes the roof entrance out. Matt grabs his shoulder for a moment as Frank is walking away. That’s as close as they get that morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Discussions of CSA in Matt's past are in here. Also, this is from Frank's POV so murder will happen. So will gore.
> 
> [Come say hi to me on tumblr!](http://sometimesihavequestions.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Comments give me life!


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